how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
