4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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