Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
