I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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