During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
