Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
