You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
