true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my being single is dangerous.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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