Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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