I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
