This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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