Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
