like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He kissed a someone with a penis
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
