if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
