speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
