quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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