I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
