Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
vagina is talking i cant
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
