i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
