Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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