cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
that may or may not have been my penis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
