Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
