Where did you get a picture of my penis
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
