You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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