no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
