he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
