apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fuck appropriateness.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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