you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
