He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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