he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
