It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
