Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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