I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
