But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
