I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I look better un-naked...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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