there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
