Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
