Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
