why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girls should come with a carfax report
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
