She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
