So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
