I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Panties = found
Randomize
