ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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