I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
