There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
