so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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