i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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