are you still at the devil's house?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
