I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
