I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my being single is dangerous.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm having to shit out rocks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
